What’s the Problem?

enjoyingsex

Now this morning I started reading this post on Peaceful Wife’s blog. It was given some relationship tips but these two are the ones that really stood out to me and I will explain why.

•If you want intimacy MORE than your husband, be willing to back off and wait for him to pursue you more and look to God to meet your spiritual and emotional needs.

•If you want intimacy LESS than your husband, try to think of it more as – you are ministering to him sexually and that actually also strengthens your emotional and spiritual bond with him! Develop a willing spirit that wants to say “yes!” to your man!

Now these two points of advice are relating to sex between a husband and wife. Now it says if a woman was more intimacy than her husband, that she needs to pretty much back off and look to God for her spiritual and emotional needs while you wait for your husband to catch a clue. However the second bullet states that if a woman wants less intimacy pretty much don’t deny him sex because it helps strengthen the bond between you both emotionally and spiritually. Now do you see the problem?

Now I’m not a married woman but this advice whether being given to a married or single woman is a no. Women are sexual beings just like men , now if a wife is craving more intimacy from her husband the advice shouldn’t be to go and freaking pray. Sex when it comes to the christian prospective is only good within a marriage so why this discouragement? Why is it if a women has less desire for sex than her husband she must obliged to his advances but not vice versa? Doesn’t the bible say ” do not deny your spouse sex?; by giving couples this kinda of advice its saying to woman that your sexual intimacy is not important as a mans. If a wife is feeling not in the mood but she must do it to strengthen the bond between her and the man she made a commitment with – the act of sex becomes a chore and she will eventually come to dislike sex because it just become another item on a long to-do list a woman must complete to be seen as a faithful and godly wife.

 

This is except from Peaceful Wife’s Blog titled ‘Keeping the Marriage Bed Pure’

Since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband.  The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband.  The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband.  In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife.  Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer.  Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.  I Corinthians 7:2-5

  • We must reserve ALL of our sexual energy for our own husbands alone.  We cannot use our imaginations to picture being with someone else (not even a fictional man in a book or movie) – that is lust and it is sin.  We must take every thought captive to Christ by the power of His Spirit living in us.  If we catch ourselves feeling tempted about something, ideally we could tell our husbands about it (once we are married) and/or a female godly mentor or friend.  I always tell my husband if I begin to feel any temptation and ask him to keep me accountable, as well as my sister and a dear friend.  Keeping secrets about this stuff makes it so much more dangerous!
  • We must build hedges around our marriage to keep it safe and protect our hearts.  I believe that means no private discussions with someone of the opposite sex, no private emails/texts/FB chats/meetings whenever possible – and if it is unavoidable, I keep the conversation as BRIEF as possible.  If I need to email a man, I copy my husband on it unless it is just a sentence or two about business things.  These are probably wise ideas for single women, too!
  • We must flee from opportunities that would be potentially tempting (time alone with someone, riding alone in a car with a man, discussing marriage struggles with a male coworker or friend).  This includes people that may not seem that likely – like our teenage sons’ friends, our pastor, our Sunday School teacher, our male boss, ANY GUY.  Hopefully the exceptions would be your dad or brother – but there are some cases where even those relationships are not “safe” sadly.
  • Some women are facing temptations of being attracted to women, also – then you will need to build hedges to protect yourself from temptation in that area, too!
  • Use your imagination to feed your desire for your husband when you are married.  And if he wants LESS intimacy, then stop fueling your imagination so much with sexual thoughts of him so that you can back off to a level he is more comfortable with.
  • If you want intimacy MORE than your husband, be willing to back off and wait for him to pursue you more and look to God to meet your spiritual and emotional needs.
  • If you want intimacy LESS than your husband, try to think of it more as – you are ministering to him sexually and that actually also strengthens your emotional and spiritual bond with him!  Develop a willing spirit that wants to say “yes!” to your man!
  • Make time for intimacy a HUGE priority in your marriage.
  • Drop unnecessary time wasters from your schedule so you have the time and energy to devote proper attention to your sexual intimacy with your husband.
  • Enjoy your husband’s touch, his body and your time together when you do get married.  Feel yourself relax and melt at his touch.  There are all kinds of physiological, emotional and spiritual benefits from physical intimacy for both husband and wife.  This is the “glue that holds your marriage together” as Gary Thomas puts it in “Sacred Influence.”  Sex is such an incredible wedding gift from God!

 

I do suggest going to the blog to read to get a clear understanding. Again this is just my opinion and for me though I have never been in a relationship some things I just don’t agree with it.

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6 thoughts on “What’s the Problem?

  1. I agree with what you say. Good Point! 🙂

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  2. In the UK if a husband forces his wife to have sex with him against her will the law says that it is rape and the can go to prison. No one should be forced to have sex against their will. Kevin

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  3. Childofra,
    I would appreciate it if you would share all of what I said – for instance – that these things would all apply to husbands and wives, wives are not singled out in Scripture. I Corinthians 7:1-5 is about both spouses being selfless, giving, generous, and available to one another whenever possible. Perhaps your readers would like to read what I actually said on the post and in the comments because what I said is being grossly misrepresented here.

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