This news story popped up on my facebook wall the other day about a young woman in Maryland who recently got married and presented her father with a certificate of her purity. On first reading this I was like ‘are you serious?’. Her older sister had done so before and she wanted to show her father that she had kept the promise she made to him at the age of 13 that she would be pure till marriage. Now I believe that that is a beautiful thing I really do as I have made that same promise to my mother when I hit puberty and she gave me the sex talk.
However my issue comes from the fact that she needed to give her father a certificate to prove that her hymen was still intact; couldn’t he just believe his daughter was honest and truthfully that she was going to remain a virgin till her wedding night? I did not see the young groom present his mother with a certificate of his purity nor proved her remained a virgin, we just take his word for it.
Why as women know matter what society we are in, the issue of our chasty,purity, virginity or whatever term you prefer to use is a matter of importance? In our society whether secular or religious a womans sexuality is judged and we are placed into two archetypes: the virgin or the whore. These archtypes are prevalent in various aspects of our society, for example horror films. If you noticed the females that seem to more sexually liberated or engaging in sex tend to be among the first to die leaving the one who is virgin (or virgin in spirit) to become the survivor who has suffered through the whole film and defeats the killer at the end.
In religions especially the Abrahamic religions, a women’s is very important. The first act of sexual intercourse by a female is commonly considered within many cultures to be an important personal milestone. In many cultures women in order to protect their virginity will refrain from inserting any object into her vagina, such as a tampon, menstrual cup or undergoing some medical examinations, so as not to damage the hymen. The loss of a hymen whether its through consentual sex or rape the woman is usually subject to shame or in some counties honor killings.
Like the young woman, having proof of ones virginity is not new. In ancient societies the presence of an intact hymen, which was verified by either a physical examination (usually by a physician, who provided a certificate of virginity) or by a “proof of blood,” which refers to vaginal bleeding that results from the tearing of the hymen after the first sanctioned sexual contact. Now both sexes are taught to be virgins till marriage however males are not pressured as much as females, we see it all the time in movies and when comedians tell jokes like Kevin Hart. He tells a joke about if he ever found a pictute of a boys’ penis on his daughters phone, he might punch in the throat. If it was his son he would actually applauded his son and asked him what did the girl think of it. Now that is still somebodys daughter he is referring too. Another example is when fathers twll their daughters in films that they cant have sex till their 30 or 40 yet when they son is a teen like in the first Transformers film starring Shia and Megan Fox, when Sam (Shia) had Megan in his room his parents barge in and smile seeing the female and just let them be (again that is someone’s daughter). Among various countries or cultures, males are expected or encouraged to want to engage in sexual activity, and to be more sexually experienced – I find this idea to be stupid. If the girl is a virgin it will not matter if you have sexual experience or not, you are her first she has nothing to compare you to except with what she has seen in a hollywood film or her fantasy. Wouldn’t it be special if a mans’ wife was his first? I think it would be.
The issue as you can see is with the double standard when it comes to virginity, wonen are encouraged to keep it, men are encourage to lose it. Even as I write this, I think if my own mother and the things she tells me, like sometimes i accidently burn myself like i did last year, I ended up burning my left hand with boiling hot water while using a steamer. My mom first response was that she freaked out cause it was pretty bad and her second response was ‘how am I gonna marry you off?’. That type of response makes me feel no longer like a person but a prize or product a man pays for to use. There is much pressure on a woman to fall into tge virgin or whore archetype thats its ridiculous. As for the males it is ridiculous as well as if men are mindless animals that can not control themselves when they are in the presence of those who are place in the whore category and blame her for his actions.
Just stop it please, I am a person and I am more than my body and my value is more than a piece of flesh in between my legs. Again congrats to the young married couple but the whole certificate of purity thing is truly unnecessary and it would not be surprising if that started to become a thing among religious groups to prove their wives or daughters are pure on their wedding & I am sure God could careless about a piece of paper.