Some Marriages Can Not Be Saved

Let This story I just read really breaks my heart, I understand that marriage is suppose to be a life long commitment but if either spouse is in physical danger, don’t try to safe it – just leave. Most people don’t understand the need for feminism and eoth this 3rd wave feminism , it even has me no longer wanting to associate myself with those types of women but this story of a young woman in Africa is clear that the laws about marriage and women need to change immediately.

Here’s the full story:

A long scar on Jackline Mwende’s face travels from her temple, touches her left eyebrow, narrowly misses her eye and traverses her cheek to her lips. Its partner traces an even deeper arc in the center of her forehead. There are other scars in her scalp.

And then there are her arms. She has no hands left. Her wrists, swathed in thick bandages, end in stumps.

Mwende, of Machakos, 35 miles southeast of the capital, Nairobi, is the face of domestic violence in Kenya. Her husband has been charged in an alleged marital assault that shocked the nation. According to Mwende, her husband, Stephen Ngila, 35, attacked her with a machete, slashing her face and hacking off her hands, enraged because she hadn’t produced children in nearly five years of marriage.

“I saw him, and he told me: ‘Today is your last day,’” she says. “I never thought something like this would happen to me.”

Ngila is in police custody, awaiting trial over the attack. Members of his family told Kenyan media recently that Mwende was a woman of loose morals who may have been attacked by a business rival. They claim Ngila wasn’t at home when the attack happened.

Wearing a white hospital gown at Presbyterian Church of East Africa Kikuyu Hospital, Mwende, 27, weeps softly as she tells the story of how she fell in love with Ngila, married him in a white church wedding and watched as the relationship gradually went sour.

Occasionally, she winces in pain, but doesn’t complain.

“As a Christian, I can’t tell anyone to leave their marriage,” Mwende said. “But I’d like to talk about my personal story so other people, or other victims, may learn [from it] and speak up.”

In Kenya, activists say domestic violence is common. The country introduced legislation in 2015 that outlawed domestic violence and provided for restraining orders in the event of marital violence. But the lack of statistics on domestic killings and assaults of women by their partners suggests that the issue is considered a low priority.

According to the Gender Violence Recovery Center at Nairobi Women’s Hospital, 45% of Kenyan women between the ages 15 and 49 have experienced either physical or sexual violence, mostly at home. The center says only 6% of gender violence suffered by women in Kenya is perpetrated by strangers.

Family poverty and alcohol abuse play a role, according to activists, while in some traditional communities husbands are seen as having a right to discipline their wives, using physical punishment if necessary.

The fourth child of impoverished peasant farmers in a remote village near Machakos town, Mwende left school in the eighth grade because her parents, with six children to support, couldn’t afford to pay. She met Ngila seven years ago and the couple married two years later in a church.

“At that time, he was a good man. He was a church man. The first days of our marriage were happy days. We were living well together as a husband and wife.”

Ngila, a tailor in nearby Masii town, set Mwende up with a small business in 2014, where she sold items such as soap, sugar, tea and salt, to bring in extra money. They lived together in a three-room brick house on the top of a hill.

“None of my siblings is employed and my parents are poor. Whatever I was doing running the small shop was because I wanted to help my parents and my siblings,” she said.

But children didn’t come to the marriage.

Mwende says her husband blamed her for the problem. Neighbors told Kenyan media the sounds of domestic fights often drifted down from the house on the hill.

Women in many developing countries, including those in East Africa, face social stigma if they don’t produce at least one child, according to the World Health Organization. Although a husband’s infertility may be to blame, it is usually the woman who is stigmatized.

In 2014, Mwende and her husband sought medical advice at a Nairobi hospital on why they hadn’t had children, “and he found out that he had a problem,” she said. “So the doctor advised him to attend the clinic, but he never went. Every time I reminded him to attend the clinic, he would dismiss it. He would say, ‘I will see if I will get time to go,’ then he would never go.”

A sour seed had been planted in the marriage and it grew, Mwende said. “It reached a point that he suddenly changed. He started to get drunk.

“That man never used to bring anything home. He was very brutal. He used to beat me.” At times the couple would call their parents, who would come and try to bring peace to the marriage.

Her impoverished parents advised Mwende to leave Ngila, but she didn’t want to go back home to burden them. She sought advice from her pastor, who advised her to persist and to do her best to save the marriage.

“In most cases, every time there was a problem, I would run to our pastor,” she said. “The pastor would always tell me, ‘Jackie, please persevere. That man will come to change one day.’ The pastor and the church elders would just encourage us.

“I always wanted to protect my marriage so I decided to stay with him,” she said. “I always hoped he would change, but he seemed not to heed the advice from our church pastor.”

When the attack happened in late July, neighbors heard screaming and called the police. One neighbor told local media how she witnessed the rooms spattered in blood, with a severed hand on the floor. Mwende’s other hand was almost completely detached and couldn’t be saved.

Mwende’s case sparked national outrage. The local government authority promised a monthly stipend for a year and free transport to the hospital when she needs it for medical care. Several corporate sponsors pledged to help Mwende get access to prosthetic limbs to enable her to live and work independently.

Mwende, grateful for the help, is still recovering from the trauma of the attack.

“He thought he had killed me, but God is great,” she said.

The fact that this is all too common in other countries is very saddening. The thinking of the patriarchy in this countries need a 360 make-over. Women were not put on this Earth by God to be treated like the dirt beneath your shoes. Men and women were made to compliment each other and that is thrown out of balance, you have chaos. There is no reason for these women to be treated as such, every time I look up there are stories from India, Africa, the Middle East and sometimes even America of the mistreatment of woman and it needs to stop. Men wonder why women become so strongly about Women’s Rights and Feminisms, stop treating women as if her sole purpose in life is to get married, bare children then die. Women are capable of so much more and I am tired of the old saying ‘Let boys be boys” that saying has to many problems tied to it. Can we as women do things to ensure our well-being and safety- yes we can. There are many factors in our power that we can control like for example not getting so drunk that we wake up the next morning and have no clue what happened the night before. No one male of female should every allow themselves to be that vulnerable to an attacker.  Another is how we dress, I know as women we like to look cute and beautiful by the purpose of many of the clothing we wear is to flaunt and show off certain parts of our body- I mean many of our clothing is deigned to attract the male gaze for a reason and sadly those designs are in the clothing for our teens and little girls. There should be no reason for form fitting clothing on little girls; I’m sorry. For teen girls, there should no reason for shorts designed for them to be cut so that the pocket can be seen at the bottom- that is too damn short.

Our clothing as woman many come form fitted or tight in order to emphasis the booty and breast, showing more of our figure. Men are naturally attracted to women, especially those they find beautiful, clothing that shows more will cause men to look more because of the design of the clothing. Now men will look whether you have baggy clothes or not but if your ass cheeks is hanging out – hunny Jesus and Stan would be staring. So as women we must take some responsibility. Men too need to be responsibility because at the end of the day, you made a conscious decision to rape, rob, murder, mutilate etc . you chose to do that to another person. So like Harley Quinn said in Suicide Squad ‘Own that shit” stop placing the blame on everything else except yourself.

The ideas of what it means to be a man and to be a woman needs to change and it needs to change quickly cause right now people are dying from age old idea and traditions of what is means to be a woman and young girls and boys growing up in that environment will do nothing but repeat the cycle of domestic violence.

Link to original article:

Infertile Man Blames Wife For Not Having Children

Temptation is a B*tch

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Temptation

Looking back at my teens, I never struggled with sexual temptation. I knew going into high school that boys would look at me in a sexual way and that they would try to spit game to get into my pants. However, I was prepared with quick look of ‘ don’t even try it’ or if they grabbed my rear or said something nasty, I usually  responded with something along the lines of their pillars and stones and a blender. It got them to pretty much back off, yet it resulted in me being either called a b*tch or prude because I made a promise not only to myself, but to my mother and the big GOD that I would wait to marriage and nothing was going to make me break my vow.

Now I’m 25 with one year left in my nursing program and I understanding what Peter meant in the bible when he said ‘burning with passion’; who knew that a virgin could be sexually frustrated. I want marriage, with a nice decent husband and four kids – two boys & two girls ( I already have my kids names picked out). My current problem is a majority of males in my age group are just not looking for wives because they are too busy getting laid. Now I’m all for feminism but this current 3rd wave feminism has put a dent into basically the whole courtship/marriage thing. Women now acting more and more like men who it comes to dating and sex and if men have to choose between milk that is freely given versus to pay for the cow and work for the milk – which one do you think they would  prefer? If women wanted to embrace their new found sexual freedom by all means go ahead but don’t act like men and women can change their biological  nature.

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Free Milk or Earned Milk

I have plenty of blogs by both men and women who have written about the current relationship dynamics and why so many people are not getting married. There are many factors that play apart and yes feminism  is one of them. Another is a lack of morals within our society, we are living in a world that is starting to resemble the Roman Empire. Granted the Roman Empire had its great moments but it also had some straight debauchery, its even in their mythology ( don’t get me started on the Greeks). At some point in America we have to look at ourselves and be like we need to change.

As for men, the dating pool in my current city is small and I do mean small. Now I don’t need my future husband to go to a four year college, a trade school is just fine as long as it is something in which he can be a provider for his family.  As his character would be important as well, after all who wants to follow and submit to a man who can not lead. A bonus would be if a found a guy who was into anime and video games like I am, because with me, there will be a lot of anime and things like Game of Thrones and cosplay going on.  Hopefully with me being in the nursing field it will expose me to a larger group of individuals  that I can meet and mingle and hopefully find a husband but until then I have to deal with temptation  and baby fever.

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Two Become One

The Path to the Creator

Recently there have been some major changes in my life that has caused me to see things a bit differently. As I read more and watch documentaries  about religion mostly the ones about Christianity, a creator of the universe may not be such a farfetched idea. All religions and myths have certain things in common but what stands out in all religions is a supreme being. Some religions have multiple  gods like Hinduism  while others have one like Christianity.  We all worship  and look for guidance in our life from something greater than ourselves.

Many of my questions of religion started with my questioning of Christianity. Many of the teachings within the church just did not sit right with me especially with watching the behavior of its members  acting in ways that would make Satan smile with glee. So as I delved more into my studies and readings of the bible along with reading posts by Biblical Gender Roles  , The Peaceful Wife ,  & Wintery Knight and videos such Hidden Identity of Blacks – many things began to make sense.

So I will begin my journey to the creator which will be a very long road but I am already 25% there since I have followed so far most of the rules that was laid down in the covenant. Hopefully all my questions will receive answers and when I eventually pass away from this world, I would rather be safe than sorry.

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Certificate of Purity

This news story popped up on my facebook wall the other day about a young woman in Maryland who recently got married and presented her father with a certificate  of her purity. On first reading this I was like ‘are you serious?’. Her older sister had done so before and  she wanted to show her father that she had kept the promise she made to him at the age of 13 that she would be pure till marriage. Now I believe that that is a beautiful  thing I really do as I have made that same promise to my mother when I hit puberty and she gave me the sex talk.

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However my issue comes from the fact that she needed to give her father  a certificate to prove that her hymen was still intact; couldn’t  he just believe his daughter was honest and truthfully that she was going to remain a virgin till her wedding night? I did not see the young groom present his mother with a certificate  of his purity nor proved her remained a virgin, we just take his word for it.

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Why as women know matter what society we are in, the issue of our chasty,purity, virginity or whatever term you prefer to use is a matter of importance? In our society whether secular  or religious a womans sexuality is judged and we are placed into two archetypes: the virgin or the whore. These archtypes are prevalent in various aspects of our society, for example horror films. If you noticed the females that seem to more sexually liberated or engaging in sex tend to be among the first to die leaving the one who is virgin (or virgin in spirit)  to become the survivor who has suffered through the whole film and defeats the killer at the end.

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In religions especially the Abrahamic religions, a women’s is very important. The first act of sexual intercourse by a female is commonly considered within many cultures to be an important personal milestone. In many cultures women in order to protect their virginity will refrain from inserting any object into her vagina, such as a tampon, menstrual cup or undergoing some medical examinations, so as not to damage the hymen.  The loss of a hymen whether its through consentual  sex or rape the woman is usually subject to shame or in some counties honor killings.

Like the young woman, having proof of ones virginity is not new. In ancient  societies the presence of an intact hymen, which was verified by either a physical examination (usually by a physician, who provided a certificate of virginity) or by a “proof of blood,” which refers to vaginal bleeding that results from the tearing of the hymen after the first sanctioned sexual contact. Now both sexes are taught to be virgins till marriage however males are not pressured as much as females, we see it all the time in movies and when comedians tell jokes like Kevin Hart. He tells a joke about if he ever found a pictute of a boys’ penis on his daughters phone, he might punch in the throat. If it was his son he would actually applauded his son and asked him what did the girl think of it. Now that is still somebodys daughter he is referring too. Another example is when fathers twll their daughters in films that they cant have sex till their 30 or 40 yet when they son is a teen like in the first Transformers film starring Shia and Megan Fox, when Sam (Shia) had Megan in his room his parents barge in and smile seeing the female and just let them be (again that is someone’s daughter).  Among various countries or cultures, males are expected or encouraged to want to engage in sexual activity, and to be more sexually experienced – I find this idea to be stupid. If the girl is a virgin it will not matter if you have sexual experience or not, you are her first she has nothing to compare you to except with what she has seen in a hollywood film or her fantasy. Wouldn’t it be special if a mans’ wife was his first? I think it would be.

The issue as you can see is with the double standard  when it comes to virginity, wonen are encouraged  to keep it, men are encourage to lose it. Even as I write this, I think if my own mother and the things she tells me, like sometimes i accidently burn myself like i did last year, I ended up burning my left hand with boiling hot water while using a steamer. My mom first response was that she freaked out cause it was pretty bad and her second response was ‘how am I gonna marry you off?’. That type of response makes me feel no longer like a person but a prize or product a man pays for to use. There is much pressure on a woman to fall into tge virgin or whore archetype thats its ridiculous. As for the males it is ridiculous  as well as if men are mindless animals that can not control themselves when they are in the presence of those who are place in the whore category and blame her for his actions. 

Just stop it please, I am a person and I am more than my body and my value is more than a piece of flesh in between my legs. Again congrats to the young married couple but the whole certificate of purity thing is truly unnecessary and it would not be surprising if that started to become a thing among religious groups to prove their wives or daughters are pure on their wedding & I am sure God could careless about a piece of paper.

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Parent upset over Islam

So I have been seeing a lot of post lately about Islam being taught in schools. Personally all religions will be covered at some point because its a part of history,thats just plain facts. Religion has shaped our world in some many ways from how we think to how we treat people in our society.

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So the picture above is a photo of a 7th grader homework assignment. The writing is by the mother who is upset at the fact that her child is learning about another religion. The funny thing is she complains about Christianity not being taught when it actually is

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This photo is a screenshot of the chapters in the 7th graders textbook.  Chapter 12 says its about the reformation  of christianity but the religion does not start there, christianity will most likely be discussed in the first chapter along with the fall of rome, the middle ages, the reinassance the scientific  revolution,early Americas all the way to  chapter 17. So for this mother to write this on her childs homework I am guessing must have either not been paying attention to her childs assignments or wants her child to be a close minded individual. No one is forcing these children to become muslims or to start practicing islam,but religion is ingrained into our society and if it wasn’t  then why are so many christians getting upset at the thought of their child or America being introduce to a new religion? Many aspects of America culture is influenced by christian ideals point blank period. I mean more oeople in the USA know more about God and the bible despite many not attending church or actually reading the Bible.  However America is not a christian country, this wonderful melting pot of culture and religion has no national religion or national language. Despite what many christians believe they are actually the majority in this country and all other religions are just trying to let their voices be heard. I mean if christians want a complete christian nation then you might as well close the American borders and outlaw other faiths because with different cultures come different faiths and that is something you must tolerate. You dont have to agree with it but just let people be cause so far the only ones I see mostly getting upset about gay marriage, other religions being taught in school,premartial sex,abortion is christians. Other religions have their stance on these issues as well but they are not as vocal as the christian population.

I’m tired of American Ignorance

Tolerance:
the ability or willingness to tolerate something, in particular the existence of opinions or behavior that one does not necessarily agree with.

I woke up this morning and saw this on my facebook wall,a news article about parents- christian parents upset over their children learning about Islam. It is  apparent that these adults do not know the difference between learning about Islam and its history from learning the religion as a believer. Since 9/11 the fear and willful ignorance in this country about muslims and Islam is absolutely  ridiculous. However what I am really sad for is the children because their oarents would rather let their children be ignorant about other faiths and cultures that are non-Christian. How can you expect people to interact  when they lack just the basic knowledge  of anothers’ faith or culture? We have seen from history what happens when we as mankind let ignorance and fear take control  (slavery,holocaust etc) – its as if people want history to repeat itself.

In 10th grade, I took World History where I learned about the five  major religions of the world which are :Christianity,Judaism,Islam,Buddhismand Hinduism. I learn the history of these religions such as the holy books of each religion (The Bible,Koran),their founders, basic law (Ten Commandants) and other historical information in terms of how these belief systems have inpact mankind whether for good or ill. Since then I have learned more on my own and my group of friends come from all religious backgrounds. I noticed as well in some of the articles I listed below parents are upset at the fact that in some classes they children had to pretend to be muslims, in 10th grade english I had to pretend to be jewish. My class was reading a novel called Night and the class was divided to understand how the jew might have felt during the Holocaust. We had to wear plastic yellow stars during our classtime and we noticed how our behavior changed once one group had on the stars and the others did not. So if pretending to be muslim for a class period is used to help students understand whats it like to be a muslim in America then personally I see it being completely harmless.

There is no reason for anyone in this age of technology to ignorant of other cultures and religions but the willfull ingnorance of Americans is outstanding that it will be the fall of this country. I get it christians, you want your child to be strong in their faith, I understand that but your child will encounter in life people of other faiths so should it not be important for them to learn about other people? Because whether you like it or not religion and lack there of shapes not only our moral upbringing,but our society  as well and if you raise your children to believe that your faith is superior or that your god is the only one then I truly feel sorry for you.  If history has taught us anything it is that when people have this ideal that they are superior than others bad things tend to happen. 

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For more reading:

Parents outraged over Islam being taught in school

Christianity  Today

Fox News

The Tennessean

Wftv

Religious Tolerance

Lucifer is coming to Primetime

This morning i was on YouTube checking out some movie trailers and seen some pretty good ones. I then stumbled upon this trailer for a new show on Fox called “Lucifer”, now the premise is that Lucifer is tired of ruling hell and decided to quit return to Earth and open up a club in the City of Angels. Now what really got me is that the show seems to be aiming to make Lucifer sort of the anti-hero, where he can be likable. Now I looked at the comments and of course christians were upset by this trailer, they were upset by The Messengers which was on the CW but got canceled and GCB (Good Christians Bitches) which was canceled after only one season on ABC.

I understand why christians are upset by these shows but at the end of the day, its tv. These shows are not catered to children which is why all tv,movies,video games etc have ratings so you know whats right for a child or not.  GCB I thought was a good show because yes in this world there are women who acted holy in the public eye but behind close doors they turn into real bitches, their image is a façade. Christians were upset by the title but that is sadly a reality of many women in the church, not all christian are holy like the PeacefulWife.

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The Messengers was a good show as well but because it wasn’t exactly like the bible christians didn’t like it. Well no movie or tv adaptions will ever me exactly  like the book, that’s why it’s called an adaption. When taking something like the Bible or The Hunger Games and turning it to a tv show of film, the screenwriter and director must decided on what would looks good on film or what part of the plot is not necessary  (like fillers) and they must do this while keeping faithful to the original source as much as they can.  It’s not always gonna be word for word and not only that but they have to reach a larger audience. Now I have yet to read the Hunger Games Trilogy but I have still seen the films and the message of the film I still understood. Same for the Messengers, I am not a christian but they message the show was trying to make was about faith regardless of one’s religious denomination but sadly many people did not see that and so it was canceled.

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Now with Lucifer, it will be interesting to see where this plot goes with Lucifer no longer controlling Hell. There is know one to control and keep up the demons nor damned souls so literally all hell might be breaking loose and I’m sure god might intervene to help keep things in balance.  Plus it would be interesting to see things from Lucifer’s point of view, after all the bible is the word of God and it is written from his viewpoint but there are two sides to every story and this is something I look forward too.

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Fox’s Lucifer Trailer