Nothing Wrong With Being Feminine pt. II

In my first post, I gave a brief history of feminism and now I will explain how  that same feminism is slowly destroying the interaction of the sexes.

In times past, men and women did not interact how we do today.  Women in the patriarch system were under the protection of her father and when she reached marrying age she couldn’t tell her dad ‘ I wanna marry this guy cause he’s cute’ , a woman had to be courted and if an agreement was made depending on the culture a bride price was paid and then the marriage ceremony.  Courtship is the period in a couple’s relationship which precedes their engagement and marriage or establishment of an agreed relationship of a more enduring kind.  During courtship, a couple gets to know each other and decide if there will be an engagement or agreement.  A courtship may be an informal and private matter between two people or a public affair, or a formal agreement with family approval. Courting allowed for each party to see if this person was someone committed to all that marriage had to offer. For example will this man be able to provide for me and any children we may have? can he be a leader in the home? can she be a dutiful and submissive wife? will she raise our children with moral integrity.


Courtship was the first step in picking a potential spouse, a step that many in today’s society prefer to skip over and wonder why they relationships are always failing especially with my generation. We don’t have relationship we prefer instant gratification, we are not willing to make the sacrifices and committed it takes to be in a serious relationship or marriage and that is what is required.  If you stopped reading because of the word submissive then I ask, why does that word bother you so? take a moment and reflect on that. The word submissive has become such a negative word in our society especially when talking about interaction between the sexes. Women are told that submissive is to essentially be a doormat to a man, become his own personal doll that does whatever he says without question when that it is not true. Are there some men out there in this world that abuses their role as protector, provider and leader of their household – yes but does that mean I need to group that small few into the rest of the male populace? no it doesn’t. We all submissive in our day to day life, being submissive is to respect and obey authority. If you are a christian, you submit to God, muslims to Allah, citizens to their government, children to their parents. So why in a relationship can a woman not submit to her husbands authority when she does so else where?

In order for a relationship to work is by each party assuming a role and trying not to usurp the other positions which will only lead to dysfunction and chaos.  In American society male and female roles can and mostly is define in the most simplest terms; the man is the breadwinner and the women is the homemaker. Now we can still fulfill these roles even though we as women have careers but depending on the type of career will affect how well a woman can handle the balance of wife/motherhood with being a working women which often does not end well.  These roles as well in the eyes of feminism has be twisted and many look down on women that prefer to be the traditional model of femininity and that is at home raising her children and making sure they grow into decent human beings. During the first couple of years of childhood it is vital for a child to be with his/her mother and personal I’m not fond of placing children into daycare to be taken care of by strangers. We don’t as adults let our children walk off with strangers so why leave them in the care of one. Now I know for many daycare is the only option due to work but then that brings me to the balancing act of career and family, is it really worth it?  cause as a parent you can not get those years you missed back.

If both parties have a clear sense of what role they will bring to a relationship then courtship can begin properly. As women we must avoid listening to or follow our hearts because many times our emotions can cloud our better judgment and then we find ourselves in the same predicament that we were in before and we need to break that cycle ladies. Take responsibilities for the choices that we have made in choosing spouses because many times we fall for the bad boy because has traits of an alpha.  Also we as females need to stop engaging in sex  with the first few dates of meeting a guy. We shouldn’t let me into the cave of wonders unless he has shown and prove that his is a diamond in the rough.  For some women this may be the 90 day rule as stated in Steve Harvey’s book ‘ Act Like a Lady but Think Like A Man’  or for some women the honeymoon is when they prefer to let him in. Whatever your belief system may be, as women we need to do better because the current mindset of engaging in just casual and mindless sex is fun for awhile but it doesn’t last long and then you are out their looking for another fix and putting at risk your emotional health and physical health as well.

Feminism has created this split between how women interact with men by having women slowly fill the role that was primarily filled by men. So if the role of the man of the house  has already been filled, why even date or get married? if you’re reading and say sex, my response would be that we have sex toys which then itself also renders the need for a man pointless. So he has essentially been replace in his role by females and sex toys.  So how can we as women reverse this process so we can break this wheel of women that can’t find a good man .  We break the wheel by releasing the role of the man back to the males. We let ourselves be submissive to his authority, we let go of this attitude of I don’t need no man. As human beings we all eventually need someone, its in our nature and the more we defy nature the more problems will arise which brings me to part III of this series in which I will discuss why attraction and looking feminine is important .

got break the wheel

 

 
Sources:

Jr., Thomas Umstattd. “The 4000 Year History of Courtship by Thomas Umstattd Jr.” Thomas Umstattd Jr., 30 May 2015, http://www.thomasumstattd.com/2015/05/history-of-courtship/.

Crier, Christian. “What Does Submissive Mean? A Biblical Definition of Submission or Submissive.” Christian Crier, 19 Aug. 2015, http://www.patheos.com/blogs/christiancrier/2015/08/19/what-does-submissive-mean-a-biblical-definition-of-submission-or-submissive/.

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50 Shades of Women

The  past few days I have been pondering why women are so intrigued by characters like Christian Grey or want relationship goals like The joker and  harley quinn. Both males are abusive to the women that they claim they love, in the Jokers’ case he actually messes with her brain making her crazy.  However the resson I brought up these character up is because modern day feminist love men like this and not just them but many fictional males characters that are for a lack of a better word, alpha.

Majority of third wave feminism hates the patriarchy and wants both sexes to be treated equally. When feminism start back in the late 60’s early 70’s it was a big deal for women; women no longer had to rely on men for basic living needs or they could now divorce their spouse, which was especially good for those trapped in abusive marriages because back then if a man beat you, you just got your ass beat. However as feminism grew the concept of being masculine and feminine began to change. Anything that was remotely masculine was quickly shut down and shamed while being feminine was something  seen as being trapped in the days before feminism the holy savior of womenkind and not encouraged.

Today we are seeing the effects of this, women are becoming more like men, men more like women and the relationship problems just seem to be increasing. We as a society have too many people making really bad choices in mates, we have people unhappy in their relationships and we have problems in marriage because they don’t FEEL happy or loved. Many women complain mostly about men in & how they basically should just  MAN UP  but if they do, then they are attacking their womanhood. I remember reading a post of my Facebook wall which was a tips for guys to attract or talk to females and many of the advice basically bordered on creepy stalker but one advice stuck out to me 

If a woman has headphones in, tap her or wave to get her attention

As you can guess, women in the comments were furious, like how dare a man who is interested in getting to know me disturb me while i have on headphones. Many comments revolved around not wanting to be bother but I wonder how is a man suppose to get your attention then? before Tinder, eHarmony and texting ,men and women actually talk to each other but now  even that form is starting to turn to dust.  Anything a man basically does to get attention becomes an attack against a woman or treating her unequally yet many complain that chivalry is dead or there are no good men out there. 

Many women actually do end up with nice guys however they are beta males her attraction to him wanes over time because he is just not masculine enough. He is essentially too nice and contrary to what women may say about wanting a nice guy want she really means is she wants Christian Grey, she wants Bruce Wayne, she wants Thor. She wants an alpha but due to feminism many men are discourage from being Captain America but  settle for being Steve Rogers and by settling men are losing out on their potential to be men amd wonder why their wives or girlfriends are refusing to have sex with them or dress in a lovely dress or even give you fellatio. 

Feminism has caused women to act more like men especially in the sexual arena. Is it a double standard that men can have sex with many women and not be called a “hoe, thot, slut etc – yes but there is reason for that. During intercourse a chemical is released from the brain thst encourages bonding and closeness which is why when a women sleeps with a man she gets easily attached however, though men and women both release this chemical a man, due to the way his brain functions can separate his feelings from just sex which is why many men can sleep with several women without being attached. 

Another reason why men prefer that his woman either be a virgin or have a low sex count is due to a biological function. Both male and female subconsciously give off reproductive cues so they can produce and pass off the best genes to their offspring. Why do you think women are attracted to men who show strength and want the man to have a job?  those factors tell her he is a protector and provider which is what she needs to make sure her offspring will be safe. For men its beauty and youth, there is a reason why there are all these beauty products geared toward women to stay young and why older men are attracted to twenty-somethings. Beauty and a womans’figure is the first thing men notice, it is what attracts him and youth tells him that  you can still bare children because a woman is born with the only eggs she’ll ever have while men are constantly producing sperm. Everything we do is because of a subconscious need to attract the opposite sex and we don’t even realize it despite the many ways we try to defy nature. 

I know I may get some serious flack for this but nature and sciene does not lie and we as homo sapiens need to stop playing GOD. 

Seriously Though???

There are two videos that had me thinking “wtf!?”. One video is basically a man-child while the other is blame teachers for the parents job.
Video #1 

https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=10153731517870959&id=687830958
Number one is a young man whose fiance broke off there 2 years engagment because he spent $32,000 on their bedroom to fulfill his lifelong dream of having a game room. Now as one who loves video games I have no problem if my husband wants to having his mancave be a game room but spending that much money and not considering the fact that the bedroom is something that both he and I share and just changes that room shows that he is being selfish. Now if it was a spare room, basement, attic etc it would be an issue, but not the bedroom. I see the bedroom as a place for only two things: sleep & sex. If not one of those two things is happening then why even have a bedroom, last time I checked vampires don’t exist.

Video #2

https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=10206543964909538&id=1583371732

Video number two is another one that made me roll my eyes. It basically states that our school system has failed to teach our children basic life skills. I laughed because I remembered when my mommcame home from work one day and told me someone from her job, a young woman asked her to open a can of tuna because she had no clue how too. Now I don’t blame teachers because that’s not a teachers job. A teacher is suppose to teach math, history, sciene and all that good stuff but a parent is supposw to teach you life skills so you can manage yourself in this world. If you want to get biblical or as many would say stereotypical, a female child is suppose to be taught by her mother on what is means to be a lady from domestics to how to be a woman in a relationship, mother and well rounded person overall. Same for young boys they are suppose to be taught by father to be men, from knowing how to fix things around house, to finding a decent wife and being a husband. Now I see nothing wrong with both sex learning to cook,clean and things like managing bills and learning to fix things around the house. Afterall before one gets married, you have to know how to care of yourself and it shows the person that you can and that if anything where to happen you will be alright. 

These two videos just shows how crappy American society is truly getting. There is nothing wrong with a passion or hobby, I love anime and plan on cosplaying in the near future but if it gets to the point where it ruins your relationship or you become antisocial then get some help. Also it not the teachers jobs to raise your children, stop trying to be your kids friend and be their damn parent and if you cant handle children- then ladies keep your legs close and dudes keep the pecker in your pants. 

Temptation is a B*tch

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Temptation

Looking back at my teens, I never struggled with sexual temptation. I knew going into high school that boys would look at me in a sexual way and that they would try to spit game to get into my pants. However, I was prepared with quick look of ‘ don’t even try it’ or if they grabbed my rear or said something nasty, I usually  responded with something along the lines of their pillars and stones and a blender. It got them to pretty much back off, yet it resulted in me being either called a b*tch or prude because I made a promise not only to myself, but to my mother and the big GOD that I would wait to marriage and nothing was going to make me break my vow.

Now I’m 25 with one year left in my nursing program and I understanding what Peter meant in the bible when he said ‘burning with passion’; who knew that a virgin could be sexually frustrated. I want marriage, with a nice decent husband and four kids – two boys & two girls ( I already have my kids names picked out). My current problem is a majority of males in my age group are just not looking for wives because they are too busy getting laid. Now I’m all for feminism but this current 3rd wave feminism has put a dent into basically the whole courtship/marriage thing. Women now acting more and more like men who it comes to dating and sex and if men have to choose between milk that is freely given versus to pay for the cow and work for the milk – which one do you think they would  prefer? If women wanted to embrace their new found sexual freedom by all means go ahead but don’t act like men and women can change their biological  nature.

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Free Milk or Earned Milk

I have plenty of blogs by both men and women who have written about the current relationship dynamics and why so many people are not getting married. There are many factors that play apart and yes feminism  is one of them. Another is a lack of morals within our society, we are living in a world that is starting to resemble the Roman Empire. Granted the Roman Empire had its great moments but it also had some straight debauchery, its even in their mythology ( don’t get me started on the Greeks). At some point in America we have to look at ourselves and be like we need to change.

As for men, the dating pool in my current city is small and I do mean small. Now I don’t need my future husband to go to a four year college, a trade school is just fine as long as it is something in which he can be a provider for his family.  As his character would be important as well, after all who wants to follow and submit to a man who can not lead. A bonus would be if a found a guy who was into anime and video games like I am, because with me, there will be a lot of anime and things like Game of Thrones and cosplay going on.  Hopefully with me being in the nursing field it will expose me to a larger group of individuals  that I can meet and mingle and hopefully find a husband but until then I have to deal with temptation  and baby fever.

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Two Become One

Choose A Side

When it comes to sex, Christians are the first speak up especially when it comes to sexual immorality but I always wondered why do they care so much? I just don’t understand, why is another person’s sex life any of their business.

 

I have seen so many blogs written by Christians on sex whether its about sex in marriage, pre-martial sex, homosexual sex, or virginity, these god-fearing people have a lot to say. However I can only speak from my own experience which I actually lack but it does bother me as a female that if I’m not considered ‘pure’ that I should somehow feel ashamed or unworthy of a good husband. There is a lot of blogs for women and young girls to keep their virginity for their marriage and it’s always told to them that is a special gift. Now this sounds nice but do Christians truly understand what this might sound like to a young girl or young woman- I doubt they do. Telling young women that the piece of flesh that is in between their legs is a gift makes it sound as if they are some prize to be won and shown off. In my previous post ‘Marriage, A Brief History’ I pointed out that a couple of symbolism that is in a wedding, the veil is a symbolism of a man taking a women’s virginity. Why so much emphasis on a women keeping her hymen intact, but not so much on males?

 

Purity Balls are quite common, having young girls pledge their sexuality to their fathers then once married to their husbands. When does the woman control her own sexuality? I have no issue with a man and woman coming together as the bible says ‘ become one flesh” but it seems that certain aspects are just controlling. Since the women’s suffrage, their has been a change in the dynamics of how women view themselves and their behavior in society. Woman are more independent, more sexual activity and more opinionated letting their voices be heard. Now as much as I love feminism and what it stands for it has become tainted and skewed from its original purpose and developed like a cancer having a  negative effect on women.

 

The Bible and Feminism are two very strong opposing opposites. On one side the bible holds a traditional,biblical view of womanhood. Submissive, modesty,pure, motherly while feminism holds women as independent,vixens, outspoken; both are two extremes in which a woman must choose a side. There is nothing wrong with being modest or submissive or pure and motherly but that is only one side of a woman and for the negative aspect is seen as being prude or unattractive. As for being independent and outspoken, again there is nothing wrong with that but with sexual liberation comes a huge responsibility. There is a difference between being a lady and a whore and in this day and age that line has become blurred. In every generation there are a set of rules on how a young woman acts versus how a harlot behaves. Clothing to mannerism, behaving like a harlot  has become the normal for most women in this Western society and we need to fix it; slut-shaming is also a problem in our society that needs to be fixed.

 

I think both feminism and biblical womanhood need some areas that truly need to be fixed. There are two sides of one coin that have both positive and negative traits.  I believe woman need both because they both have something to give to woman so she can be a whole person and not just half a glass.

 

Choose A Side:

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Marriage, a Brief History

Ah marriage the union of two people coming together in love, combining families and to begin a new journey in their lives. Marriage is a very old and traditional aspect of our society its a ritual that tells the world “Hey, I’m in a commitment with this person”. However marriage like everything else has a history and marriage as it is seen to do wasn’t always about the love between bride and groom.

 

wedding rings

Marriage can traced to many ancients civilization like Mesopotamia. In this society marriages were arranged by the parents of both the bride and groom but mostly the father made the decision. A young female was considered fit for marriage as soon a she began her menstrual cycle; that is a bit young if you ask me.  The groom then paid  for the maiden’s hand and if the marriage did not produce children or if the wife died, the money had to be returned to the groom. The husband was allowed to keep a concubine, apart from the wife. But the position of a concubine was never equal to that of a wife. She always had an inferior status. So here in this archaic society we see that the institution of marriage is not about love and romance which won’t be introduce til the Middle Ages in Europe.

Now in biblical times marriage was also arranged as well, this is taken from Bible History

In the ancient Near East betrothal took place before the actual marriage and it was considered as binding as marriage. In ancient Israel a woman who was betrothed was considered the “wife” of the man she was betrothed to, and she was bound to be faithful. The betrothal (kiddushin) period lasted usually 6 months and sometimes 1 year, and it was a binding promise between the bridegroom and bride to marry. Deuteronomy 20:7 mentions the betrothal, stating that a man is exempt from military duty if he is betrothed. Once a woman was betrothed she was considered already married, and if she had sexual intercourse during this period she was considered an adulterer and was to be stoned to death. If she was not caught in the actual act and was found not to be a virgin, the husband could dissolve the marriage quietly and sign a bill of divorce. According to the civil law the virgin was purchased for a certain sum of money, this was paid to the bride’s father. Later in Israel’s history she was given a gold ring, or some other valuable thing, and the bridegroom would declare, “See by this ring (or token) thou art set apart unto me, according to the law of Moses and of Israel.” Many times the betrothed woman would not see her betrothed husband until the marriage ceremony began.

 

So here in the time of ancient Israel, the chosen people of God had laws of marriage. A woman nor her future husband had no clue to what their spouse even looked like. When is comes to premarital sex is was considered sinful and punishable by death especially if you were a woman. I noticed that in the Bible when it does speak of chastity there is a big focus on a woman’s sexuality like in the paragraph above.  In the Middle Ages is when the idea of chivalry starts to form. Chivalry is a code of conduct associated with the medieval institution of knighthood which developed between 1170 and 1220. When examining medieval literature, chivalry can be classified into three basic but overlapping area.

  • Duties to countrymen and fellow Christians: this contains virtues such as mercy, courage, valor, fairness, protection of the weak and the poor, and in the servant-hood of the knight to his lord. This also brings with it the idea of being willing to give one’s life for another; whether he would be giving his life for a poor man or his lord.
  • Duties to God: this would contain being faithful to God, protecting the innocent, being faithful to the church, being the champion of good against evil, being generous and obeying God above the feudal lord.
  • Duties to women: this is probably the most familiar aspect of chivalry. This would contain what is often called courtly love, the idea that the knight is to serve a lady, and after her all other ladies. Most especially in this category is a general gentleness and graciousness to all women

 

In other words, medieval literature was the romance novels of the time. Now as the ages roll on customs and traditions either change or stay the same. I brought this book from Walmart called The Element Encyclopedia of Secret Signs & Symbols  and I had found it very helpful when writing my blog post or poetry. So in part nine of the book title Rites and rituals, customs and observances there is a section on Marriage and goes on to briefly talk about marriage and weddings in ancient times verses today. It mentions that the word ‘harlot’  originally meant the same as ‘shrine prostitute’ which for the ancient cultures of Greek,India, Egypt and the Orient there were temples of sacred prostitution which was part of fertility ritual so in other word’s a harlot was a holy woman. Now the symbolism of the veil represents the removal of a woman’s virginity and her introduction to a new state of being. The cutting of the cake is a phallic symbol and the ring is a symbol of eternity. Now why is there in a wedding ceremony so many allusions to the groom taking a woman’s virginity? its practically screaming ” He got first taste of the cherry” . So much focus on a woman’s sexuality that it makes my head hurt.

 

Marriage today is more about romance and of course a woman making it her special day from the dress to the wedding reception – weddings can cost you a lot of money. Also in this modern day and age gays and lesbians are pushing for legalizing marriage which has cause much debate from ‘Gays are redefining the tradition of marriage’ to ‘Gay parenting’ .  Premarital sex & just sex in general is also a big deal along with the redefining of traditional roles of men and woman.  I would end this just by saying every culture and religion and civilization has gone through a major change that has either help them prosper or aided in their downfall and what effect does this debate on which form of marriage is right will have on the future of our society?

 

 

More on Marriage History, Traditions & Customs

What’s the Problem?

enjoyingsex

Now this morning I started reading this post on Peaceful Wife’s blog. It was given some relationship tips but these two are the ones that really stood out to me and I will explain why.

•If you want intimacy MORE than your husband, be willing to back off and wait for him to pursue you more and look to God to meet your spiritual and emotional needs.

•If you want intimacy LESS than your husband, try to think of it more as – you are ministering to him sexually and that actually also strengthens your emotional and spiritual bond with him! Develop a willing spirit that wants to say “yes!” to your man!

Now these two points of advice are relating to sex between a husband and wife. Now it says if a woman was more intimacy than her husband, that she needs to pretty much back off and look to God for her spiritual and emotional needs while you wait for your husband to catch a clue. However the second bullet states that if a woman wants less intimacy pretty much don’t deny him sex because it helps strengthen the bond between you both emotionally and spiritually. Now do you see the problem?

Now I’m not a married woman but this advice whether being given to a married or single woman is a no. Women are sexual beings just like men , now if a wife is craving more intimacy from her husband the advice shouldn’t be to go and freaking pray. Sex when it comes to the christian prospective is only good within a marriage so why this discouragement? Why is it if a women has less desire for sex than her husband she must obliged to his advances but not vice versa? Doesn’t the bible say ” do not deny your spouse sex?; by giving couples this kinda of advice its saying to woman that your sexual intimacy is not important as a mans. If a wife is feeling not in the mood but she must do it to strengthen the bond between her and the man she made a commitment with – the act of sex becomes a chore and she will eventually come to dislike sex because it just become another item on a long to-do list a woman must complete to be seen as a faithful and godly wife.

 

This is except from Peaceful Wife’s Blog titled ‘Keeping the Marriage Bed Pure’

Since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband.  The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband.  The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband.  In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife.  Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer.  Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.  I Corinthians 7:2-5

  • We must reserve ALL of our sexual energy for our own husbands alone.  We cannot use our imaginations to picture being with someone else (not even a fictional man in a book or movie) – that is lust and it is sin.  We must take every thought captive to Christ by the power of His Spirit living in us.  If we catch ourselves feeling tempted about something, ideally we could tell our husbands about it (once we are married) and/or a female godly mentor or friend.  I always tell my husband if I begin to feel any temptation and ask him to keep me accountable, as well as my sister and a dear friend.  Keeping secrets about this stuff makes it so much more dangerous!
  • We must build hedges around our marriage to keep it safe and protect our hearts.  I believe that means no private discussions with someone of the opposite sex, no private emails/texts/FB chats/meetings whenever possible – and if it is unavoidable, I keep the conversation as BRIEF as possible.  If I need to email a man, I copy my husband on it unless it is just a sentence or two about business things.  These are probably wise ideas for single women, too!
  • We must flee from opportunities that would be potentially tempting (time alone with someone, riding alone in a car with a man, discussing marriage struggles with a male coworker or friend).  This includes people that may not seem that likely – like our teenage sons’ friends, our pastor, our Sunday School teacher, our male boss, ANY GUY.  Hopefully the exceptions would be your dad or brother – but there are some cases where even those relationships are not “safe” sadly.
  • Some women are facing temptations of being attracted to women, also – then you will need to build hedges to protect yourself from temptation in that area, too!
  • Use your imagination to feed your desire for your husband when you are married.  And if he wants LESS intimacy, then stop fueling your imagination so much with sexual thoughts of him so that you can back off to a level he is more comfortable with.
  • If you want intimacy MORE than your husband, be willing to back off and wait for him to pursue you more and look to God to meet your spiritual and emotional needs.
  • If you want intimacy LESS than your husband, try to think of it more as – you are ministering to him sexually and that actually also strengthens your emotional and spiritual bond with him!  Develop a willing spirit that wants to say “yes!” to your man!
  • Make time for intimacy a HUGE priority in your marriage.
  • Drop unnecessary time wasters from your schedule so you have the time and energy to devote proper attention to your sexual intimacy with your husband.
  • Enjoy your husband’s touch, his body and your time together when you do get married.  Feel yourself relax and melt at his touch.  There are all kinds of physiological, emotional and spiritual benefits from physical intimacy for both husband and wife.  This is the “glue that holds your marriage together” as Gary Thomas puts it in “Sacred Influence.”  Sex is such an incredible wedding gift from God!

 

I do suggest going to the blog to read to get a clear understanding. Again this is just my opinion and for me though I have never been in a relationship some things I just don’t agree with it.